Because You’re Not a Garden Employee
Ep 157: The 3-Goal Garden Rule (Because You’re Not a Garden Employee) – The Messed Up Gardener
Bringing It All Together
If it’s Twixmas and your garden has grown 9cm overnight while you’ve been eating snacks and losing track of time… hi. You’re in the right place. I’m Esther Williams, and this is The Messed-Up Gardener.
Merry holidays, happy New Year… and welcome to that weird in-between zone where time stops existing, Christmas sprints past, and your garden decides to grow 9cm overnight just to remind you who’s boss. (Special shoutout to the ivy currently trying to take out the washing line.)
If you’re reading this while thinking, “I had big garden plans… and now it’s basically New Year and nothing happened” — you are in the right place.
Because today’s article is about a goal-setting method that actually works for real humans.
Not garden employees.
Twixmas Gardening: When You Blink and the Garden Wins
This week has been a blur of visiting friends, having people over, and generally trying to figure out what day it is.
But this morning I finally got some actual garden time with my husband — and we harvested a whole heap of elephant garlic.
We spent a good chunk of time getting the bulbs ready to hang and dry in our “drying room.”
Which sounds incredibly fancy… but it’s basically a part of the garage with big beams, a chicken-mesh ceiling, and good airflow.
Functional. Dry. Perfect.
We had a great crop this year — except we harvested a bit late and a few wee bugs got into some of the bulbs. If we’d pulled them last week (like we meant to), we probably would’ve avoided the issue… but, you know… we can’t be in four different places at once.
The plan now:
- dry the bulbs properly
- select the best ones for next season’s planting
- store the rest
- eat our way through the season with roasted elephant garlic
- and sell cloves to our customers
And just for the record: elephant garlic isn’t actually true garlic — it’s more closely related to leeks than the usual “French garlic” most people think of. The bulbs are enormous… some of ours are almost the size of a coffee mug. I’ll pop a photo on socials because honestly, they’re ridiculous in the best way.
The Dahlia Situation (AKA Dinner Plate Flowers + Petal Confetti Chaos)
Another thing happening around here: dahlias.
We’ve got a lot. Like… a lot a lot. My husband has over 200 plants, and the collection keeps growing. Some blooms are literally the size of dinner plates and I’m not exaggerating — they’re genuinely stunning.
Not all of our flowers are sellable (sometimes there’s bug damage, sometimes the bloom opens too far for bouquets), so instead of wasting them, I’ve been:
- de-heading the flowers
- de-petaling them
- and air drying the petals on shelves that allow airflow but stop the petals from flying off into the ether
It’s way more work than you’d think for the amount you end up with…
…but the result? Incredible.
I’m currently developing a petal confetti product for weddings or special events — and the timing is perfect because Valentine’s Day is not far away. We’ll see whether this product range pays off for our Shesther’s brand, but so far… I’m very excited.
Modern Homesteading: “Wait… We Actually Did a Lot This Year”
The other day, we sat down as a family and realised something:
We’ve achieved a crap load of milestones this past year.
And in a nutshell… we’re basically modern homesteaders.
Modern homesteading is choosing a life centred around:
- self-sufficiency
- simple living
- reconnecting with the land
- growing food
- raising (some) food
- and creating resources you reuse day-to-day
We grow a lot of our own food. We have chickens and bees. We sell produce. We work the land. We build systems as we go — and we’re learning constantly.
And honestly, I feel really lucky because I grew up with this energy around me. My dad had a serious green thumb. We grew food. My mum cooked with herbs and grew up with old remedies. We didn’t run to the doctor for everything because Mum always had something up her sleeve. And whenever we could, we had chickens.
So self-sufficiency has always been part of the “background software” for me.
2026 Is Going to Be Big (and Slightly Unhinged)
Next year is shaping up to be a very big year for us.
We’ve been quietly building both digital and physical products, and our Shesther’s Gourmet website is not far from finished.
We’re ramping up again with:
- educational kits
- mushroom growing
- eggs, tomatoes, strawberries, honey
- and expanding into more local retail outlets over time
I’m especially excited about our digital products — including a seedling project we’ve been working on quietly. When it’s ready, I’ll tell you all about it (and where you can grab it), especially if you’ve always struggled to grow produce from seed.
It’s just a timing thing… because alongside all of this, we’re also running a growing health and safety consultancy with new clients coming on board constantly, while still looking after our existing ones.
So yes: busy. But good busy.
The Lesson I’m Taking Into 2026
One of the biggest lessons I learned this year — not just in the garden, not just in our kiwifruit orchard, but in general — is this:
Never be afraid to try new things.
My husband has helped teach me this too. I used to be extremely controlling of my space. My garden had to be perfect. Managed a certain way. Everything just right.
But the older I got, the more I realised there’s a whole world outside my square box.
And it’s okay to be messy.
It’s okay to be a little unorganised.
And it’s more than okay to experiment.
Which brings me to today’s actual topic…
The 3-Goal Garden Rule (Because You’re Not a Garden Employee)
It’s late December — the in-between week. Twixmas. Twictmiss. Whatever you call it.
Everyone’s eaten their bodyweight in snacks, time means nothing, and you went into the holidays with big garden plans…
…and now you’re staring at the same mess thinking:
“I’ll do it tomorrow…”
And then tomorrow turns into January.
So instead of doing the classic New Year’s thing where we set goals like:
- “I will weed every week”
- “I will be consistent”
- “I will become one with my compost”
…and then by January 9th we’re negotiating with the weed eater like it’s life support…
I want you to try this instead:
Pick only 3 garden goals for 2026.
Not 12. Not a full personality change.
Just 3.
And they must fit into these categories:
- Keep Alive (survival goal)
- Calm the Chaos (systems goal)
- Try One New Thing (joy/experiment goal)
Because if your garden goals are all “do more,” you’ll hate gardening by February.
And we are not doing that.
1) KEEP ALIVE (Minimum Viable Garden)
This is the goal that stops you rage-quitting.
Examples:
- keep tomatoes alive and producing
- keep pots alive with a once-a-week watering plan
- stop ivy from taking out the washing line and claiming your home
This isn’t Pinterest. It’s not glamorous.
It’s keeping the garden from going feral while you live your actual life.
Quick hack: pick one weekly routine you can actually stick to.
Mine might be:
- Sunday: water + harvest + 10-minute triage walk
That’s it. Not a marathon. Just enough to stay in the game.
2) CALM THE CHAOS (Stop Future-You Hating Present-You)
This is the goal that makes everything easier.
It’s usually not about buying more stuff — it’s about setting up one small system.
Examples:
- create a proper drying/storage corner so harvests don’t become kitchen chaos
(like our glamorous garage garlic setup) - label seedlings so you stop playing mystery plant roulette
- set up a compost or mulch habit so you’re not constantly fighting weeds
This is where you pick one repeating problem and go:
“I’m sick of this. I’m fixing it once.”
Even if your solution is low-budget and slightly dodgy.
Because honestly… a lot of homesteading is just creative organisation.
3) TRY ONE NEW THING (The Joy Goal)
This is the fun one — the experiment.
And it can be tiny.
Examples:
- grow one thing you’ve never grown before
- try a new method without needing it to be perfect
- turn “waste” flowers into something useful (hello petal confetti)
This goal is allowed to be messy.
In fact, it should be messy.
Because the minute you make it a performance, you won’t do it.
The 10-Minute Garden Reset (Do This Once and Feel Smug)
Here’s something I do at the start of the year — and honestly, I do it monthly, not yearly.
Go outside with your phone notes or your garden diary and do a slow lap.
Write 3 lists:
- What’s thriving?
- What’s stressing you out?
- What do you want more of in 2026?
Then choose:
- 1 Keep Alive
- 1 Calm the Chaos
- 1 Try One New Thing
Done.
That’s your plan.
Not a 47-step blueprint. Not a personality change.
Just three realistic goals that make gardening feel good again.
A Quick Reality Check (Because We’re Not Pretending)
If you’re like me juggling family, work, business, and life — and the garden is getting “thoughts and prayers” some weeks…
Your goal is not perfection.
Your goal is to stay connected.
The garden doesn’t require perfection.
It requires presence — even messy presence.
And if there’s one thing I want you to take into 2026, it’s this:
Never be afraid to try new things.
And never be ashamed if your garden reflects your real life.
Because that’s what The Messed-Up Gardener is.
Real gardens. Real people. Real chaos. Still growing.
Before You Go…
If this post (or the episode) made you feel seen — and gave you permission to set garden goals that actually fit your real life — I’d love it if you:
- follow/subscribe to the podcast
- leave a quick rating or review
It helps more messy, real-life gardeners find the show, and it genuinely means the world to me.
You’ll also find my free gardening guides linked below — they’re designed to make gardening easier, lighter, and a whole lot more fun.
Got a question or a topic you want covered? Send me a message — I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time:
Gardening can happen in any space, any place, and on any budget.
Have an incredibly abundant week…
and I’ll buzz you later. 🐝
Esther Williams
The Messed Up Gardener.
Leave a Reply